Friday, July 12, 2013

Borrowing Our Children

Now that the school year has ended, and the students are back for the summer programming it's back to the grind!  I spent much time this week thinking about the year, but also thinking about the upcoming year.  The year certainly had its ups and its downs.  We celebrated academic and recovery benchmarks, and we also had heavy hearts when students made choices we may not have thought best.

In my teaching career I have become accustomed to seeing students come and go when they make the decision to leave school due to frustrations and lack of feeling success.  It never gets easier.  It is always difficult when I hear a student utter the words, "I'm signing out of school-I'm done with this."  When they have reached this point, it is not a simple task to get them to change their minds.  They have reached a point in which they are in shut down mode.  In these times, I have learned to do my best to counsel the student, show my support, offer them options to help them overcome school, and enlist their families to help.  In these times I have also learned that when these students reach the age of making their own decisions there is sometimes no way of stopping them and we must let go.  In letting go, the student will face the reality of their decision, and only then will they think on the consequence.  I hope that when they think on the decision they will then make a choice to rectify the first one. 

Luckily, I have seen instances where a student leaves school, and then returns a month or more down the line realizing the value in their high school diploma.  I have seen students return with determination, and a new found motivation after thinking through what they decided.  I continue to hope that some of the students lost this year among the pressures that surround them will return to us the same way.  As adults we always want what is best for our children, and in my case my students.  I have come to terms with the fact that I can inspire, guide, and connect with my students in hopes of having them see the value in their education.  I can never make decisions for them.  Part of their growing up is the need to make their own decisions and feel the consequences. 

A great colleague that I admire once said, "We don't own our children, we borrow them."  I had to think about this for awhile.  While I am not a parent, I put it in the perspective of teaching.  She was right, I don't own and control my students.  I have them for a period of time in which I can hope to teach and reach them before sending them out into the world that awaits them.  I think about what this colleague said often, and it has shaped me into the teacher I have become and will continue to be.  I have to make the time I have count with my students, and hope that they will make the right choices to benefit their lives.  I have to let them grow and experience life.  Most importantly, I have to be there for them always. 

Friday, June 14, 2013

Data Daymares

With only another week left to the school year I have been working hard at being the duck this week.  Even though I feel I am drowning in all of the data I have been compiling, I still try to keep calm, cool, and collective.  This has been a true year of growth for me.  I am now understanding the difference between keeping data as a teacher to direct my instruction and having to use it to prove my effectiveness.   

As a teacher, I have always used the data that I collect as my driving force in instruction.  I have always begun the year with writing samples and informal reading assessments on my students to gauge their starting points.  Most of the time I am saddened at the large gap in their reading and writing skills and make it my goal to help bridge that gap as much as I can in one single school year.  At the end of the year, I am always pretty pleased with the leaps and bounds my students have made.  I can't say they all improve, but I can say that at the end of the day I am confident that I have done all I can to ensure that there is some kind of growth.  With the new evaluation tool in the state, data plays a HUGE role.  While I agree that having teachers keep data and teaching according to their data will in turn make them more aware of the learning gaps in their rooms and then help them in their planning, I do think that it is possible that data be used against them.  I think many teachers wonder, what happens if the data I collect does not exactly meet the goal I made?"  Some worry that this could be cause for low evaluation scores or worse, being fired.  I myself worry about this too.  I believe that in order for this tool to be useful to educators it has to be about giving them the time to learn how to set these goals, collect appropriate data (aside from standardized tests), and use it to gear their instruction.  This takes time and for many teachers this is a new way of teaching rather than doing what has "always just worked."  Unfortunately, those above us may see this as a black and white area without any grey and the outcome could be teachers that are let go rather than given proper professional development to become better. 

Now that I have spent the week compiling my data for this year I feel nervous.  Earlier in the year I used formal assessments that the school had purchased for data use to gauge my students' reading levels.  Many of them are on or above grade level which is wonderful to know.  Having tested them again this week and working the numbers I am finding the data to be a little inaccurate.  A few students that scored in the 12th grade range have now scored a level or so below that.  When I think of the reasons why I believe it is because they rushed through the assessment and did not take their time as much as they did at the start of the year.  So I have to wonder, did they truly regress or is it because they did not take their time?  When I look at the goal I had set that each student would rise by a grade level or maintain their level if they were already above I have to ask myself if I have failed.  Other students did go up in level and others did maintain at the level they were at before.  This shows me that the goal is attainable, but then what about the students that scored lower?  It is difficult to put all of our faith into data at times considering there are so many factors that come to play when we are collecting it.  The students that scored lower may have done worse due to personal issues, tiredness, lack of motivation, desire to be finished, and the list goes on.  How can we account for these factors?  How can we say to a teacher that they are "ineffective" if we do not take these factors into account? 

I have always been confident in my abilities to teach my students and help them grow, but with these data daymares that I have had this week I now worry that judgment will be passed on my teaching.  Aside from the formalized data assessments, I believe it is highly important for teachers to be prepared with all kinds of class assessments to use as data.  Utilizing different writing assignments, projects, and presentations would allow anyone to see that my students have in fact become stronger even if they didn't perform as well on the formalized reading test.  This week was just another experience for me that cements the importance of standardized testing not being the sole data used in deciding a students' growth or a teachers effectiveness.  In many ways it's not accurate at all because the outcome completely depends on the students' state of mind at that given point, and as educators we are the ones that see what our students go through when it comes to test time.  Going forward, the best way to determine our students' growth is to allow teachers to use their own authentic assessments and a variety of them.  Even though I know these data daymares aren't going anywhere, I will continue to get better at proving my students' growth in other ways than the use of a state standardized test.

Friday, June 7, 2013

The Impact of One Small Act

This week we as a school bid farewell to our graduates.  It was a moment of pride, joy, and to some extent some sadness. The best part of our ceremony in my opinion was when the graduates gave their own speeches.  It was nice to hear from them, and I believe their parents needed to hear some of what they had to say.  Having seen these students at their best and at their worst, and knowing the types of difficult relationships some of them have had with their parents the speeches gave them a chance to show their gratitude for their families.  I enjoyed hearing about how they have seen themselves grow since coming to our school, how they have overcome different obstacles, and what they want in their future.  One student made it a point to explain how even the smallest act of kindness can create the biggest impact in one's life when we don't even know it.  I found this to be a beautiful statement and also very true.  Often times as a teacher, I need to remind myself that all that I do and all that I say to my students will have some kind of impact on them.  If I were to be too negative with a student, then there will be an outcome to their disposition in my class.  Everything we say matters.  Every thing we do matters.  This was a great reminder for all of us in the room.  I think sometimes we need to be reminded that even as one person, we can have an impact on the community. 

The more I thought on what this student said the more I began to think of this in my teaching.  In what ways have I influenced my students' behaviors with my own behavior?  I'd have to say that there have been times where I may have let something get to me too much and perhaps took it out on a student without realizing it.  We are not perfect beings and in those moments, I have made sure to conference with the student privately.  For the most part, I make a great effort to always try to influence my students' behavior in a more positive way.  For example, I've had a student who comes in regularly in a bad mood in the morning.  I have found that commenting on the mood does not help the situation; rather it seems to set the student off more.  I now make sure to greet him positively and give him a few minutes of space until he comes around.  This simple act of "Good morning, I am glad to see you here today" and then leaving the student alone instead of asking him if he's OK or needs to talk makes all of the difference. 

When I heard the graduate speak about our behaviors impacting others, I thought of how important it is for me as a teacher or anyone for that matter to be aware of their actions and words when interacting with those around them.  In the society we live in everything is so quick and on the go.  It seems as though we forget that one small act can truly influence someone else.  We all have the power of impacting those around us; how we choose to do it is up to us.  What small act will you do to make an impact? 

Friday, May 31, 2013

Being the Duck

The end of the year is coming fast!  21 days to be exact, but who is counting?  When I look at the calendar on my phone and see how close the end of the year I have that overwhelming feeling settle in.  I have planning for next week's graduation to get finished, papers to grade, reading assessments to administer to the kids, and the list continues.  The list continues too far down the page really. 

Even though I feel like I am flailing in the middle of the ocean sometimes, I am reminded of one of my great professors from my undergrad who always told us to "be the duck."  When I first heard her say this I remember thinking, what the hell is she talking about?  As she proceeded to explain her metaphor it made more and more sense to me.  She explained the importance of maintaining calm, cool, collective, and graceful on the surface even if our feet were kicking wildly to stay afloat below.  I instantly loved this.  It helped me during my student teaching to calm down whenever I started to feel like I was going to blow it with my students and show them I didn't have my stuff together.  Of course I didn't have my stuff together, I had no idea what I was doing then! 

Now as the year closes, and I go home each night stressed to the max about the things on my to-do list I repeat this mantra to myself-be the duck, be the duck.  It is something I have to continue to work on when I get those feelings that a meltdown is on the way.  I have to remember that my students look to me for strength and consistency in their sometimes crazy world.  I know that it would detrimental in several ways to take out my frustration on them or to even "vent" to them about how much I have to do.  Students should never be burdened with all that we have to do as teachers.  It is unfair for a teacher to come in and state to them, "if you only knew how many hours I worked just for you and sacrifice..."  They wouldn't listen!  And why should they?  It's my job to do what's best for the kids-no questions asked.  They need not feel bad for me when I am working in the profession I chose and am so lucky to be a part of.

As I end my fourth year teaching, I am proud of myself when some of my students say that even though I have high expectations for them at all times, they never really know when I am having a bad day because I don't take it out on them.  For me, this is what it means to "be the duck."  I have to remind myself to leave the baggage at the door and give them my 110% even if I feel like I am running at 50% with blood pressure through the roof due to stress.  Being the duck truly applies to one's life, not just teaching.  Take things one moment at a time, try not to take it out on those around you, and breathe. 

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Penguin Plunging in May

This week has been a week of reminiscence for me.  Last year for Memorial Day week I went with all of my seniors to Cape Cod for their senior trip.  Being that the alternative school was small, the seniors consisted of one class of about 13 students.  Since the seniors all needed their last year of English I was like the senior teacher of the building.  These kids also held a special place in my heart since many of them I had as sophomores my first year teaching.  We brought the kids to a resort on the Cape and each adult roomed with 3-4 kids in a small apartment.  The three girls that I roomed with were a joy to be with and we had a close relationship, so I knew we would have fun. 

We began the day with whale watching and the second we got on the boat it was funny to hear some of the kids' thoughts about being on a boat.  Some mentioned never having been on a boat, fear of it sinking, and the hope that we would get to see some whales.  It was a beautiful morning and the sun was warm on our faces as the boat made its way out to sea.  I watched the kids interact with each other and it was so great to see so many of them laughing and smiling.  For many of them, the year had been very a rough road.  One student was on her way to motherhood at 7 months pregnant and going to college in the fall, another getting ready to go off into the Marines, and the list goes on.  I remember tears stinging my eyes as I watched them during this time that they could be so carefree.  So many of them had never gone very far out of the city and so this was a special treat for them.  The gods of whales must have been smiling down on us that day because we got to see so many and they all took several pictures to keep with them always.

We finished off the day taking the students to a Brazilian restaurant and this was also a huge treat for them.  They were so taken aback with the food, the service, and the pricing; it was a new world to a lot of them.  One student remarked that having linen napkins was impressive and we all chuckled.  It was a wonderful feeling for me to sit around a dinner table with these kids that all held a special place in my heart. 

When we arrived back at the resort later that evening a dare came up for the boys to run into the ocean.  Since it was still May the water couldn't have been more than 50 degrees.  The boys decided they wouldn't turn down the dare and so we all gathered with our I-Phones to capture a few pictures and cheer them on.  At this moment, I realized how much of a camaraderie had developed among all of these kids.  They all felt so comfortable with one another.  For many of them, trusting others and allowing people in is so difficult due to the experiences of hurt they have in the past.  It was a beautiful trip and a heartwarming experience to have with them. 

Earlier this year, one of the girls that I remain friends with on Facebook and talk to regularly had told me something that still has stayed with me.  She and I had a good relationship towards the end of that year when we went on that trip, but during the entire year we constantly butted heads due to her missing class and not completing her work and her attitude.  She told me she had written an essay about me in her composition class and so I laughed saying it must have been to write about a teacher you disliked.  She responded by telling me that it was to write about a favorite teacher and that she chose me because she learned so much from me.  She said I always held her accountable and never let her make excuses.  I gave her high expectations and always believed in her.  I was floored!  This is a comment that stays with me always.  This allowed me to see that all I do does in fact have a purpose and that in some cases I have reached some. 

Now that she has a child of her own, I am confident that she will be a wonderful mother.  I am confident that she will give her son the boundaries in life that he needs along with the love and affection he also needs.  I know she will make something of herself and I know she will always remain in my heart.  Penguin plunging in May will always be etched in my memory.


Friday, May 17, 2013

Standardized Testing: The War on Education

This week my students finished up their New England Common Assessment Program (NECAP) standardized tests.  The last of the tests is Science, which many of them dread.  So far this year, they have sat through Reading, Writing, Mathematics, and now Science.  They are completely burnt out.  They are completely anxious and nervous that if they do not pass that they will face missing out on graduation.  With many Rhode Island districts moving towards utilizing this test as a graduation requirement, many students and teachers are now being unfairly evaluated.  The testing craze puts our students at a disadvantage and they become the casualties of this war on education.

Before teaching in Rhode Island, I spent three years in Massachusetts preparing my tenth graders for their equivalent standardized test known as the Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System (MCAS).  I don't believe in "teaching to the test" and even when the importance of these students attaining proficient was expressed to me, I still refused to teach that way.  As a teacher, I do believe that I should be held accountable for my students' learning; however, I do believe that there are other ways of doing this without a test.  Last year, I had the pleasure of all of my students attaining proficient on MCAS.  Even with this fantastic news, I still don't think the test scores should be a reflection of my teaching.  The only thing this shows, is that I was able to help students fine tune their testing skills and teach them how to beat the test much like we have to do as educators when taking licensure tests.

I think that a better way to hold me accountable would be for administrators to work with me more often.  What does this look like?  Well, for starters it means that they should come to my classes more than the twice a year formal evaluation time.  It means sitting down with me and discussing my goals for my students and my plan to get them there.  It means that my data should be more than a score on a test or assignment that they complete.  This means evaluating me without judgment and seeing the bigger picture rather than worrying if my objective is written on the board.  I believe that the best data that a teacher could provide to show student growth and learning is a narrative on where the students were in the beginning and where they are making progress.

With the new teacher evaluation tool in Rhode Island and Massachusetts, they claim to be collaborating with and supporting teachers.  They have created Student Learning Objectives (SLO) in which teachers create a goal for their students (which I do agree with) and that they show evidence of learning which is limited to assessments.  In the end, this tool seems to still be a method for attacking teachers rather than truly allowing them to grow as professionals and get better in the field.  If your assessments are still showing that students haven't mastered your goal then you have failed.  This is absurd.  I have had students that have started the year with me with so many learning gaps that it boggles my mind how they fell through the cracks.  Some of these students have ended the year with me still having trouble with getting proficient on some of my assessments and tests.  Does this mean I failed them?  No.  What this means is that I have not been able to completely close a gap in the nine months I have had them as a student.  In the end when I look back at my observations and narratives on these students, I have in fact seen progress.  I have in fact seen their reading and writing levels improve by perhaps a grade level or two.  It just isn't enough to make up for the fact that they have been on a grade 4 reading level for years.  It is still a triumph.  I am still an effective teacher when I can speak on this and prove this.  I am still an effective teacher when a student that would have never taken risks academically is now motivated to learn and try his or her best.  Is this being taken into account when holding me accountable?  No.  Only my test scores are.

Teaching is about the progress that students make for the short time that they sit in front of us.  Each year, I end my year knowing that I have done my best in providing my students with greater learning opportunities.  Several other teachers out there do the same, but they are unfairly evaluated on test scores and pacing guides.  School administrators and teachers need to work as a team in order to better serve students.  Administrators need to realize that there is more to teaching than numbers, and teachers need the opportunity to show the learning and growth in their classrooms through several different types of data. 

In the future, I would like to see us measuring students' learning and abilities in other ways aside from a test.  This is not an accurate way for a student to show what they know.  They are capable of so much more and they have learned from all of their teachers more than a test can ever show. 

Friday, May 10, 2013

Salt Marshes and War Paint

As the end of the year approaches, it is most rewarding to experience the growth in many of my students.  Teaching students in a recovery high school as opposed to an alternative school has one main difference: the students are all drug free.  They have all at one point made the decision to attend this school and make the commitment to staying sober.  This one difference makes all the difference as a teacher.  The journey of recovery for the students takes me on the ride with them.  I am there for the early stages of their recovery when all of the choices that they have made is every one's fault but their own and there is no sense of accountability.  I am there for the moment when clarity sets in and the process of reflection begins.  I am there for the aluminum sobriety coins that they collect each month that they remain clean.  I am there for the relapse that brings them back to step one and the feeling of disappointment that sets in.  Finally, I am there for the moment that staying sober becomes "not so bad."  I see the students when they are most terrified about facing themselves and their issues instead of getting high and burying it within the depths of their soul.

Today the students embarked on a journey to Prudence Island in which they learned about the salt marshes and  themselves.  Upon our arrival to the boat, there were many protests about having to wear dirty rubber boots.  The first student to shrug his shoulders and throw the boots on quickly made it easier for the rest of them to follow suit.  It was a pleasure to witness the camaraderie among the group when they began to tease one another for wearing the salt marsh boots.  As the boat made its way down the bay, I looked around and saw some students chatting to pass the time and some listening to music.  A few that caught my eye were the ones that appeared so deep in thought.  It looked as if they were taking mental photographs of the ocean beauty around them so that they might remember this moment always.  I began to wonder what was going through their minds.  Many of my students have never experienced boat rides or the sights that we saw today.  I felt they had a sense of deep gratitude for this experiential learning trip cosidering it was the first and probably the last time they would go to Prudence Island to work on a salt marsh.

While the students worked in groups to explore the life found in the salt marshes, it was rewarding to watch them work closely with one another and get their hands dirty in the mud.  The instructor explained that the mud in the salt marshes was equivalent to the mud that they use in spas, and proceeded to put some on calling it "war paint."  None of the students including myself were brave enough to put some on.  After some time of exploring in the salt marshes, one of the students made the decision to put some "war paint" on.  I smiled as I saw him walk towards me with it smeared on his cheeks and forehead.  Since this is a student that suffers from extreme social anxiety at times, this was a brave moment for him in front of his peers.  This makes me realize how this school has truly become a family for this student if he feels this comfortable with the group.  His peers teased him in a friendly way and it made some of the others suddenly decide to get at least their hands dirty in the mud.  My takeaway from the whole trip today is that even if the others did not feel comfortable applying "war paint" to their faces while exploring the salt marsh, they all have on war paint everyday that society does not see.  They each have their obstacles, fears, and triumphs that they go through in order to learn about themselves and continue to grow into young adults.  They are true warriors fighting each day to stay sober in a not so sober world, and for that I am proud each and every time that they make the right choice.