The end of the year is coming fast! 21 days to be exact, but who is counting? When I look at the calendar on my phone and see how close the end of the year I have that overwhelming feeling settle in. I have planning for next week's graduation to get finished, papers to grade, reading assessments to administer to the kids, and the list continues. The list continues too far down the page really.
Even though I feel like I am flailing in the middle of the ocean sometimes, I am reminded of one of my great professors from my undergrad who always told us to "be the duck." When I first heard her say this I remember thinking, what the hell is she talking about? As she proceeded to explain her metaphor it made more and more sense to me. She explained the importance of maintaining calm, cool, collective, and graceful on the surface even if our feet were kicking wildly to stay afloat below. I instantly loved this. It helped me during my student teaching to calm down whenever I started to feel like I was going to blow it with my students and show them I didn't have my stuff together. Of course I didn't have my stuff together, I had no idea what I was doing then!
Now as the year closes, and I go home each night stressed to the max about the things on my to-do list I repeat this mantra to myself-be the duck, be the duck. It is something I have to continue to work on when I get those feelings that a meltdown is on the way. I have to remember that my students look to me for strength and consistency in their sometimes crazy world. I know that it would detrimental in several ways to take out my frustration on them or to even "vent" to them about how much I have to do. Students should never be burdened with all that we have to do as teachers. It is unfair for a teacher to come in and state to them, "if you only knew how many hours I worked just for you and sacrifice..." They wouldn't listen! And why should they? It's my job to do what's best for the kids-no questions asked. They need not feel bad for me when I am working in the profession I chose and am so lucky to be a part of.
As I end my fourth year teaching, I am proud of myself when some of my students say that even though I have high expectations for them at all times, they never really know when I am having a bad day because I don't take it out on them. For me, this is what it means to "be the duck." I have to remind myself to leave the baggage at the door and give them my 110% even if I feel like I am running at 50% with blood pressure through the roof due to stress. Being the duck truly applies to one's life, not just teaching. Take things one moment at a time, try not to take it out on those around you, and breathe.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Penguin Plunging in May
This week has been a week of reminiscence for me. Last year for Memorial Day week I went with all of my seniors to Cape Cod for their senior trip. Being that the alternative school was small, the seniors consisted of one class of about 13 students. Since the seniors all needed their last year of English I was like the senior teacher of the building. These kids also held a special place in my heart since many of them I had as sophomores my first year teaching. We brought the kids to a resort on the Cape and each adult roomed with 3-4 kids in a small apartment. The three girls that I roomed with were a joy to be with and we had a close relationship, so I knew we would have fun.
We began the day with whale watching and the second we got on the boat it was funny to hear some of the kids' thoughts about being on a boat. Some mentioned never having been on a boat, fear of it sinking, and the hope that we would get to see some whales. It was a beautiful morning and the sun was warm on our faces as the boat made its way out to sea. I watched the kids interact with each other and it was so great to see so many of them laughing and smiling. For many of them, the year had been very a rough road. One student was on her way to motherhood at 7 months pregnant and going to college in the fall, another getting ready to go off into the Marines, and the list goes on. I remember tears stinging my eyes as I watched them during this time that they could be so carefree. So many of them had never gone very far out of the city and so this was a special treat for them. The gods of whales must have been smiling down on us that day because we got to see so many and they all took several pictures to keep with them always.
We finished off the day taking the students to a Brazilian restaurant and this was also a huge treat for them. They were so taken aback with the food, the service, and the pricing; it was a new world to a lot of them. One student remarked that having linen napkins was impressive and we all chuckled. It was a wonderful feeling for me to sit around a dinner table with these kids that all held a special place in my heart.
When we arrived back at the resort later that evening a dare came up for the boys to run into the ocean. Since it was still May the water couldn't have been more than 50 degrees. The boys decided they wouldn't turn down the dare and so we all gathered with our I-Phones to capture a few pictures and cheer them on. At this moment, I realized how much of a camaraderie had developed among all of these kids. They all felt so comfortable with one another. For many of them, trusting others and allowing people in is so difficult due to the experiences of hurt they have in the past. It was a beautiful trip and a heartwarming experience to have with them.
Earlier this year, one of the girls that I remain friends with on Facebook and talk to regularly had told me something that still has stayed with me. She and I had a good relationship towards the end of that year when we went on that trip, but during the entire year we constantly butted heads due to her missing class and not completing her work and her attitude. She told me she had written an essay about me in her composition class and so I laughed saying it must have been to write about a teacher you disliked. She responded by telling me that it was to write about a favorite teacher and that she chose me because she learned so much from me. She said I always held her accountable and never let her make excuses. I gave her high expectations and always believed in her. I was floored! This is a comment that stays with me always. This allowed me to see that all I do does in fact have a purpose and that in some cases I have reached some.
Now that she has a child of her own, I am confident that she will be a wonderful mother. I am confident that she will give her son the boundaries in life that he needs along with the love and affection he also needs. I know she will make something of herself and I know she will always remain in my heart. Penguin plunging in May will always be etched in my memory.
We began the day with whale watching and the second we got on the boat it was funny to hear some of the kids' thoughts about being on a boat. Some mentioned never having been on a boat, fear of it sinking, and the hope that we would get to see some whales. It was a beautiful morning and the sun was warm on our faces as the boat made its way out to sea. I watched the kids interact with each other and it was so great to see so many of them laughing and smiling. For many of them, the year had been very a rough road. One student was on her way to motherhood at 7 months pregnant and going to college in the fall, another getting ready to go off into the Marines, and the list goes on. I remember tears stinging my eyes as I watched them during this time that they could be so carefree. So many of them had never gone very far out of the city and so this was a special treat for them. The gods of whales must have been smiling down on us that day because we got to see so many and they all took several pictures to keep with them always.
We finished off the day taking the students to a Brazilian restaurant and this was also a huge treat for them. They were so taken aback with the food, the service, and the pricing; it was a new world to a lot of them. One student remarked that having linen napkins was impressive and we all chuckled. It was a wonderful feeling for me to sit around a dinner table with these kids that all held a special place in my heart.
When we arrived back at the resort later that evening a dare came up for the boys to run into the ocean. Since it was still May the water couldn't have been more than 50 degrees. The boys decided they wouldn't turn down the dare and so we all gathered with our I-Phones to capture a few pictures and cheer them on. At this moment, I realized how much of a camaraderie had developed among all of these kids. They all felt so comfortable with one another. For many of them, trusting others and allowing people in is so difficult due to the experiences of hurt they have in the past. It was a beautiful trip and a heartwarming experience to have with them.
Earlier this year, one of the girls that I remain friends with on Facebook and talk to regularly had told me something that still has stayed with me. She and I had a good relationship towards the end of that year when we went on that trip, but during the entire year we constantly butted heads due to her missing class and not completing her work and her attitude. She told me she had written an essay about me in her composition class and so I laughed saying it must have been to write about a teacher you disliked. She responded by telling me that it was to write about a favorite teacher and that she chose me because she learned so much from me. She said I always held her accountable and never let her make excuses. I gave her high expectations and always believed in her. I was floored! This is a comment that stays with me always. This allowed me to see that all I do does in fact have a purpose and that in some cases I have reached some.
Now that she has a child of her own, I am confident that she will be a wonderful mother. I am confident that she will give her son the boundaries in life that he needs along with the love and affection he also needs. I know she will make something of herself and I know she will always remain in my heart. Penguin plunging in May will always be etched in my memory.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Standardized Testing: The War on Education
This week my students finished up their New England Common Assessment Program (NECAP) standardized tests. The last of the tests is Science, which many of them dread. So far this year, they have sat through Reading, Writing, Mathematics, and now Science. They are completely burnt out. They are completely anxious and nervous that if they do not pass that they will face missing out on graduation. With many Rhode Island districts moving towards utilizing this test as a graduation requirement, many students and teachers are now being unfairly evaluated. The testing craze puts our students at a disadvantage and they become the casualties of this war on education.
Before teaching in Rhode Island, I spent three years in Massachusetts preparing my tenth graders for their equivalent standardized test known as the Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System (MCAS). I don't believe in "teaching to the test" and even when the importance of these students attaining proficient was expressed to me, I still refused to teach that way. As a teacher, I do believe that I should be held accountable for my students' learning; however, I do believe that there are other ways of doing this without a test. Last year, I had the pleasure of all of my students attaining proficient on MCAS. Even with this fantastic news, I still don't think the test scores should be a reflection of my teaching. The only thing this shows, is that I was able to help students fine tune their testing skills and teach them how to beat the test much like we have to do as educators when taking licensure tests.
I think that a better way to hold me accountable would be for administrators to work with me more often. What does this look like? Well, for starters it means that they should come to my classes more than the twice a year formal evaluation time. It means sitting down with me and discussing my goals for my students and my plan to get them there. It means that my data should be more than a score on a test or assignment that they complete. This means evaluating me without judgment and seeing the bigger picture rather than worrying if my objective is written on the board. I believe that the best data that a teacher could provide to show student growth and learning is a narrative on where the students were in the beginning and where they are making progress.
With the new teacher evaluation tool in Rhode Island and Massachusetts, they claim to be collaborating with and supporting teachers. They have created Student Learning Objectives (SLO) in which teachers create a goal for their students (which I do agree with) and that they show evidence of learning which is limited to assessments. In the end, this tool seems to still be a method for attacking teachers rather than truly allowing them to grow as professionals and get better in the field. If your assessments are still showing that students haven't mastered your goal then you have failed. This is absurd. I have had students that have started the year with me with so many learning gaps that it boggles my mind how they fell through the cracks. Some of these students have ended the year with me still having trouble with getting proficient on some of my assessments and tests. Does this mean I failed them? No. What this means is that I have not been able to completely close a gap in the nine months I have had them as a student. In the end when I look back at my observations and narratives on these students, I have in fact seen progress. I have in fact seen their reading and writing levels improve by perhaps a grade level or two. It just isn't enough to make up for the fact that they have been on a grade 4 reading level for years. It is still a triumph. I am still an effective teacher when I can speak on this and prove this. I am still an effective teacher when a student that would have never taken risks academically is now motivated to learn and try his or her best. Is this being taken into account when holding me accountable? No. Only my test scores are.
Teaching is about the progress that students make for the short time that they sit in front of us. Each year, I end my year knowing that I have done my best in providing my students with greater learning opportunities. Several other teachers out there do the same, but they are unfairly evaluated on test scores and pacing guides. School administrators and teachers need to work as a team in order to better serve students. Administrators need to realize that there is more to teaching than numbers, and teachers need the opportunity to show the learning and growth in their classrooms through several different types of data.
In the future, I would like to see us measuring students' learning and abilities in other ways aside from a test. This is not an accurate way for a student to show what they know. They are capable of so much more and they have learned from all of their teachers more than a test can ever show.
Before teaching in Rhode Island, I spent three years in Massachusetts preparing my tenth graders for their equivalent standardized test known as the Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System (MCAS). I don't believe in "teaching to the test" and even when the importance of these students attaining proficient was expressed to me, I still refused to teach that way. As a teacher, I do believe that I should be held accountable for my students' learning; however, I do believe that there are other ways of doing this without a test. Last year, I had the pleasure of all of my students attaining proficient on MCAS. Even with this fantastic news, I still don't think the test scores should be a reflection of my teaching. The only thing this shows, is that I was able to help students fine tune their testing skills and teach them how to beat the test much like we have to do as educators when taking licensure tests.
I think that a better way to hold me accountable would be for administrators to work with me more often. What does this look like? Well, for starters it means that they should come to my classes more than the twice a year formal evaluation time. It means sitting down with me and discussing my goals for my students and my plan to get them there. It means that my data should be more than a score on a test or assignment that they complete. This means evaluating me without judgment and seeing the bigger picture rather than worrying if my objective is written on the board. I believe that the best data that a teacher could provide to show student growth and learning is a narrative on where the students were in the beginning and where they are making progress.
With the new teacher evaluation tool in Rhode Island and Massachusetts, they claim to be collaborating with and supporting teachers. They have created Student Learning Objectives (SLO) in which teachers create a goal for their students (which I do agree with) and that they show evidence of learning which is limited to assessments. In the end, this tool seems to still be a method for attacking teachers rather than truly allowing them to grow as professionals and get better in the field. If your assessments are still showing that students haven't mastered your goal then you have failed. This is absurd. I have had students that have started the year with me with so many learning gaps that it boggles my mind how they fell through the cracks. Some of these students have ended the year with me still having trouble with getting proficient on some of my assessments and tests. Does this mean I failed them? No. What this means is that I have not been able to completely close a gap in the nine months I have had them as a student. In the end when I look back at my observations and narratives on these students, I have in fact seen progress. I have in fact seen their reading and writing levels improve by perhaps a grade level or two. It just isn't enough to make up for the fact that they have been on a grade 4 reading level for years. It is still a triumph. I am still an effective teacher when I can speak on this and prove this. I am still an effective teacher when a student that would have never taken risks academically is now motivated to learn and try his or her best. Is this being taken into account when holding me accountable? No. Only my test scores are.
Teaching is about the progress that students make for the short time that they sit in front of us. Each year, I end my year knowing that I have done my best in providing my students with greater learning opportunities. Several other teachers out there do the same, but they are unfairly evaluated on test scores and pacing guides. School administrators and teachers need to work as a team in order to better serve students. Administrators need to realize that there is more to teaching than numbers, and teachers need the opportunity to show the learning and growth in their classrooms through several different types of data.
In the future, I would like to see us measuring students' learning and abilities in other ways aside from a test. This is not an accurate way for a student to show what they know. They are capable of so much more and they have learned from all of their teachers more than a test can ever show.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Salt Marshes and War Paint
As the end of the year approaches, it is most rewarding to experience the growth in many of my students. Teaching students in a recovery high school as opposed to an alternative school has one main difference: the students are all drug free. They have all at one point made the decision to attend this school and make the commitment to staying sober. This one difference makes all the difference as a teacher. The journey of recovery for the students takes me on the ride with them. I am there for the early stages of their recovery when all of the choices that they have made is every one's fault but their own and there is no sense of accountability. I am there for the moment when clarity sets in and the process of reflection begins. I am there for the aluminum sobriety coins that they collect each month that they remain clean. I am there for the relapse that brings them back to step one and the feeling of disappointment that sets in. Finally, I am there for the moment that staying sober becomes "not so bad." I see the students when they are most terrified about facing themselves and their issues instead of getting high and burying it within the depths of their soul.
Today the students embarked on a journey to Prudence Island in which they learned about the salt marshes and themselves. Upon our arrival to the boat, there were many protests about having to wear dirty rubber boots. The first student to shrug his shoulders and throw the boots on quickly made it easier for the rest of them to follow suit. It was a pleasure to witness the camaraderie among the group when they began to tease one another for wearing the salt marsh boots. As the boat made its way down the bay, I looked around and saw some students chatting to pass the time and some listening to music. A few that caught my eye were the ones that appeared so deep in thought. It looked as if they were taking mental photographs of the ocean beauty around them so that they might remember this moment always. I began to wonder what was going through their minds. Many of my students have never experienced boat rides or the sights that we saw today. I felt they had a sense of deep gratitude for this experiential learning trip cosidering it was the first and probably the last time they would go to Prudence Island to work on a salt marsh.
While the students worked in groups to explore the life found in the salt marshes, it was rewarding to watch them work closely with one another and get their hands dirty in the mud. The instructor explained that the mud in the salt marshes was equivalent to the mud that they use in spas, and proceeded to put some on calling it "war paint." None of the students including myself were brave enough to put some on. After some time of exploring in the salt marshes, one of the students made the decision to put some "war paint" on. I smiled as I saw him walk towards me with it smeared on his cheeks and forehead. Since this is a student that suffers from extreme social anxiety at times, this was a brave moment for him in front of his peers. This makes me realize how this school has truly become a family for this student if he feels this comfortable with the group. His peers teased him in a friendly way and it made some of the others suddenly decide to get at least their hands dirty in the mud. My takeaway from the whole trip today is that even if the others did not feel comfortable applying "war paint" to their faces while exploring the salt marsh, they all have on war paint everyday that society does not see. They each have their obstacles, fears, and triumphs that they go through in order to learn about themselves and continue to grow into young adults. They are true warriors fighting each day to stay sober in a not so sober world, and for that I am proud each and every time that they make the right choice.
Today the students embarked on a journey to Prudence Island in which they learned about the salt marshes and themselves. Upon our arrival to the boat, there were many protests about having to wear dirty rubber boots. The first student to shrug his shoulders and throw the boots on quickly made it easier for the rest of them to follow suit. It was a pleasure to witness the camaraderie among the group when they began to tease one another for wearing the salt marsh boots. As the boat made its way down the bay, I looked around and saw some students chatting to pass the time and some listening to music. A few that caught my eye were the ones that appeared so deep in thought. It looked as if they were taking mental photographs of the ocean beauty around them so that they might remember this moment always. I began to wonder what was going through their minds. Many of my students have never experienced boat rides or the sights that we saw today. I felt they had a sense of deep gratitude for this experiential learning trip cosidering it was the first and probably the last time they would go to Prudence Island to work on a salt marsh.
While the students worked in groups to explore the life found in the salt marshes, it was rewarding to watch them work closely with one another and get their hands dirty in the mud. The instructor explained that the mud in the salt marshes was equivalent to the mud that they use in spas, and proceeded to put some on calling it "war paint." None of the students including myself were brave enough to put some on. After some time of exploring in the salt marshes, one of the students made the decision to put some "war paint" on. I smiled as I saw him walk towards me with it smeared on his cheeks and forehead. Since this is a student that suffers from extreme social anxiety at times, this was a brave moment for him in front of his peers. This makes me realize how this school has truly become a family for this student if he feels this comfortable with the group. His peers teased him in a friendly way and it made some of the others suddenly decide to get at least their hands dirty in the mud. My takeaway from the whole trip today is that even if the others did not feel comfortable applying "war paint" to their faces while exploring the salt marsh, they all have on war paint everyday that society does not see. They each have their obstacles, fears, and triumphs that they go through in order to learn about themselves and continue to grow into young adults. They are true warriors fighting each day to stay sober in a not so sober world, and for that I am proud each and every time that they make the right choice.
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